Living a healthy, fulfilling life is simple. Sometimes everything can seem so complex. Conflict, stress, emotions, meetings, work, relationships, children. It can seem like new issues spontaneously appear out of nowhere, like whack-a-mole, waiting to be dealt with by you.
One by one, we go through everything and fix each issue individually, forming a patchwork of a life. Sure, it works. Everything can be revised and addressed, however, how sustainable is this? It relies entirely on our ability to constantly monitor this patchwork, as well as any new issues as they constantly appear.
But what if instead of endlessly reacting to life’s challenges, we aligned with a deeper principle that naturally brings order and harmony? Rather than endlessly patching up problems, we can focus on the underlying rhythms that create balance and flow.
When we shift our attention from managing surface-level issues to cultivating a strong, centered foundation, life begins to flow more effortlessly. The external noise quiets down, and we find ourselves less caught in the frantic cycle of fixing and more in a state of sustained well-being and peace.
A Simple Guiding Principle
What is this deeper principle? Here it is: do all the things you know you should do, and don’t do any of the things you know you shouldn’t do.
If you follow this, everything becomes much simpler. Problems stop constantly appearing in your life. Of course, we are never free of problems, but its a pretty safe assumption that the vast majority of your problems are the result of you doing things you know you shouldn’t, and not doing things you know you should.
Real-Life Examples
Ill give you an example. I struggle with back pain. Well, kind of. If I do yoga every single day, then its not so much an issue. If I miss my practice though, its a safe bet the day wont be as good. It’s one of those things I know I should do, but I don’t always.
Another example. I struggle to stay focused at work. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it, but many times my back starts to hurt halfway through the day… Oh wait… See what I mean?
Ok for real this time, another example. Sometimes my wife and I get into arguments in the evening. It could be over nothing! We had a lovely dinner with the kids, and then we get into it. She gets annoyed at me for wanting to sit down after dinner and relax while there’s cleaning to be done and children to be entertained. I hear her, its just… My, back, hurts…
Alright, I get it. I need to do the yoga! Do you see what I mean though? How many “problems” in my life are resulting from this one thing that I know I should be doing, but I’m not? I’ll tell you, it’s a lot. That’s why I summed it up earlier with just, “if I don’t do my yoga, the day will not be as good.” My back will hurt, which will dampen my focus at work, affect my relationship with my wife and my kids. This back pain will cause any moderately stressful situation to be perceived as even more stressful. What’s more, it will be harder to sleep at night. And if I get less sleep… Uh oh…
Take these examples, and unfold them completely in every direction. What are some things in your life you know you should be doing, which you aren’t? Just limit yourself to the things you are absolutely certain about. Eating well, sleeping enough, exercising, meditating, spending time with your partner, whatever it is.
Ask yourself, do you fully understand the ramifications of not doing those things? Is it possible that some, maybe even most, of the issues in your life are arising from this?
Now lets look at the other side of the coin, the things we know we shouldn’t do, but we do anyway. Do we truly understand the extent to which this affects our lives?
Understanding Hidden Impacts
I enjoy smoking cannabis sometimes. Ever since college, it has been a dear friend of mine, truly a master teacher plant for me. However, there have been many times throughout my life where it really started to affect me negatively. It is easy for me to become addicted to using it. Placing the good aspects to the side for the moment, and the good aspects are indeed vast, the way it started to affect me negatively was multifold. The main effect is on my respiratory system. It causes me congestion when smoked, my favorite way to use, meaning I can’t breath as well and I sneeze more. This usually lasts for 3 days.
Of course, not being able to breath well for 3 consecutive days, you can imagine the secondary effects. I don’t sleep as well at night, so now I’m sleep deprived on top! Overall stress levels are increased, I’m more prone to getting annoyed, it’s harder to stay focused, more difficult to sing, I have less patience for children. In addition, complaining about it then adds stress to my relationship, because she then says, “yea, its always like this after you smoke, why’d you smoke?”
Look at all the additional “problems” that arose from this 1 thing I am doing that I know I shouldn’t. How many other problems in our lives seem like a separate issue, but are actually the result of something we are doing?
That deal that fell through at work? My good friend I’m currently arguing with? The dent in my car from backing into something? Lack of deep connection with my wife? Everything becomes so much more simple when we approach life in this way: do the things we know we should, and don’t do the things we know we shouldn’t.
I recently gave up gluten, completely. I had gone gluten free for a week or 2 at a time previously, and felt moderately better, but not enough to give up one of my favorite things: sourdough bread. Eventually, it got to a point where I knew I had to give it up.
And then what happened? So many things in my life improved. I started breathing better. Stopped snoring. A persistent skin rash I had for years went away completely. My digestion improved. Inflammation decreased in my body.
And the tertiary benefits? Sleeping better. Breathing better. No itchy rash. Reduced inflammation. What do you think? Life became better in general. No more backing into things while driving. Deals don’t fall through as much because the quality of my work increases. Happier at home because work is more fulfilling when I succeed.
The Power of Small Changes
Examples like this are why I say simply: do the things you know you should, and don’t do the things you know you shouldn’t. You will have different things you should and shouldn’t do, and its up to you to find out those things. And so, how do we find out what these things are?
You probably have some things popping up in your head right now. Those are the easy ones, and many people will have similar ones. Sleeping enough, eating well, spending time with family, exercising, avoiding addictions, etc. Starting there is a good idea, and will likely get you 80% of the way to a happier and more fulfilled life. What about the harder ones? The ones we aren’t sure about, or worse, the ones we are deceiving ourselves about. The ones we pretend aren’t as big of a deal. These ones are tricky.
For starters, we have to approach ourselves and our life like a scientist would. Observe, take notes, start to make connections, test things, repeat. Over time, things will become more clear. I will give you some examples from my own life.
I broke 3 ribs in 2019. For the following 2 years, I had very intense pain when I took anything more than a very shallow breath in. As well, I had to be very careful when working and moving to avoid certain positions and not overextend myself. Even after the bones were confirmed by MRI to have completely regenerated, the pain persisted.
I tried a variety of healing modalities: acupuncture, stem cells, yoga, meditation, massage, physicians -everything I could find. Nothing helped. I was lost. Nobody could help me. I couldn’t help myself. I resigned myself to a life of pain… Until, I gave up one of my addictions.
Mambe. It’s a medicine from the amazon jungle, a powder made from the coca plant. A sacred medicine for a number of tribes in the amazon rainforest. However, all its many benefits aside, it is very heating in the body, causing significant inflammation. Me having an issue with my ribs meant I was particular sensitive to inflammation.
About 2 months after giving it up completely, the physical pain in my ribs went away almost totally. I still have occasional pain when I overexert myself significantly, but no major problems. What’s particularly interesting about this for me, is I didn’t give up mambe because I knew all this. It had nothing to do with my ribs. I gave it up because it was having an overall negative effect on my relationship with my wife.
Healing my ribs was a side effect! Imagine! Healing something I struggled with for 3 years, that was completely controlling my life, making me feel like a victim, questioning God, “why me?” And it finally healed as a side effect.
Trusting Your Inner Knowing
The takeaway here is that we don’t always know the extent to which things are affecting our lives. Oftentimes, we just “know” that we shouldn’t be doing something. We don’t know why, but its a feeling inside. I knew I had to give up that addiction, but I didn’t fully understand why. My message to you is, listen those feelings. At least, try it on! See if it fits…
And when you try it on, really try it on. Give it some time. After giving up gluten, I didn’t see any significant benefits until 1 month in, which is why I had never given it up for more than a week or 2. I figured it must not affect me that much. The same was true when I gave up mambe. I didn’t notice any real difference in my life until 2 months in! In fact, things actually got worse initially.
The point is, we don’t really know how far things reach through our life. Lets look at relationships for example. You want to improve your relationship, connect with your wife more and on a deeper level, to understand her more, increase intimacy and pleasure. Reduce arguments. Become best friends again.
Well, you can approach this a couple different ways. First, directly with her. Sit with her and talk to discover each issue in the relationship, and figure out a solution together for how to get back on track. This will take an immense amount of work and dedication, but it is completely viable, and advisable.
Second way, indirectly. Start with yourself first. Look back through your notes you’ve been taking about your life (you have been taking notes, right?) Try to see where other things might be affecting your relationship.
Are you getting enough sleep? If not, you will be overall more stressed and prone to frustration or anger. Are you eating well? If not, your digestion will be poor and you will have less energy and focus for your family. Are you exercising or stretching? If not, physical pain will follow and therefore increase the likelihood of anxiety or anger. As well, if you aren’t eating well or exercising, quality of sleep will suffer. You see, its a vicious cycle.
All of this is happening in the background and you’re left wondering why you can’t connect with your wife, or why you continue getting into silly arguments with her. The reality, is so simple!
Now, if you take the direct method without also the indirect method, you are hamstringing yourself from the beginning. You are building your entire life on a foundation of sand, sticking duct tape on the holes in a sinking ship. And then when the relationship inevitably fails and you separate, you will take all these same issues and problems into the very next relationship.
Of course, better to take both approaches, and to start with yourself first! After all, the only thing we really have complete control over is ourselves.
Simplifying Life’s Solutions
Understandably, this can all seem very complicated. However, remember how we started? Life is actually very simple. Finding fulfillment and happiness is very simple. Do the things you know you should, and don’t do the things you know you shouldn’t. Period.
Of course, there’s a bit more to life. Maybe you don’t know exactly what the things are that you should or shouldn’t be doing. And even if you think you know them all, guess what? You don’t!
Oftentimes we either lack sufficient information, or we become confused. That’s why its important to study yourself and your life like a scientist. Observe, take notes, start to notice connections between things.
As well, surround yourself with people that are living the kind of life you want, and take notes. Do you want to start a happy little family? Then become friends with people that are happily married and have children. Do you want to get in shape? Be friends with people who take excellent care of their body. Do you struggle with addictions? Then don’t spend time with people lost in addiction, find people working on it. Notice what works for them, and try it out yourself! Maybe it works, maybe not. Either way, take notes and continue forward!
Do you want to live a happy and fulfilled life? Then stay tuned for more articles like this.
I love you all, bye now.
